Are Women Really Promiscuous?

  • By donkor o angel maxwell
  • 05 Nov, 2016

Have Women Become Too Easy At Giving Sex? 8 Reasons Max Angel Is Not Convinced

In certain quarters of society, the idea that women have become "too easy" is a common complaint. This is generally a conservative position which has the "good old days" as its point of comparison, where women were expected to be modest and chaste until marriage.

This traditional model had its most recent heyday in the 1950s, where traditional family values that centered the importance of marriage and "saving yourself for one person" were at their apex.

After the sexual revolution of the 1960s, which came about due to changing social attitudes and technological advances like the invention of the oral contraceptive pill, attitudes towards pre-marital sex became looser. The rise of various feminist movements also encouraged women to break free of old social norms throughout the 1970s, 80s and 90s — right up until today.

So what's the upshot of these decades of social change? Basically, women these days are, generally speaking, more likely to openly engage in casual sex than they used to be. But the idea that this makes them "easy" — let alone "too easy" — deserves closer examination.

Here are 8 reasons the idea that women have become too easy is wrongheaded, and some discussion of why the rise of more relaxed attitudes about casual sex is actually a good thing for both men and women:

1. It Doesn't Make Sense If You're A Man Who Wants To Have Casual Sex

One key reason to ditch the traditional, puritanical attitude towards sexually liberated women is that sex is — not to put too fine a point on it — really damn fun. Sex is an activity that's widely enjoyed by many people, male and female alike, so what's the sense in leveraging our social attitudes in order to limit how much of it people are willing to engage in? And, more to the point, why shame one particular gender out of having as much sex as the other?

The idea that women are "too easy"  seems to be a peculiarly self-defeating attitude for straight men to hold. On the one hand, men are famously interested in having as much sex with women as possible — there's a multi-million dollar industry peddling men endless self-help books and YouTube tutorial videos dedicated to helping them get more sex, not to mention the sheer scale of the porn industry — yet on the other hand we're accusing women of being too easy and, by proxy, discouraging them from sleeping with men.

Well, which way is it going to be? Either you want to have sex with women or you don't. If you do, it makes no sense whatsoever to discourage potential sexual partners from being willing to have sex without signing a marriage certificate first by slapping them with derogatory labels like "easy". Come on, this is basic math.

2. There's No Benefit To Discouraging Sex

Consensual sex between adults is largely a victim-free, harmless activity that causes no wider social harms. It's true that sex does come with some (manageable) risks such as STIs and pregnancy, but overall it's no more dangerous an activity that rock climbing or jogging, and it doesn't negatively impact the lives of outsiders (unlike, say, those noisy, pesky jet skiers!)

If everyone is freely participating and being as safe as possible, sex is, in fact, healthy and should be encouraged among people who are interested in it. Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise (something most of us need more of) that increases intimacy and relaxation, and even boosts immunity.

3. Religion Doesn't Dominate Our Lives The Way It Used To

One of the core reasons that "saving yourself" until marriage became such a strong social impetus was because of religion, and religion is still the root cause of most of our judgmental attitudes towards casual sex. Various religions dictate that remaining chaste and modest is a moral impetus ordained by God (in whichever form), and for a long time the idea of displeasing a supreme deity was enough to prevent most of us from doing anything He prohibited (at least, out in the open).

However, these days most of us live in increasingly secular societies and families, and don't let religious dogma determine how we spend our waking hours. By and large, we're no longer spending our Sundays in church and rushing off to confession after every one night stand. Religion doesn't hold the same sway over our behaviour that it used to, and that's partly why questions about whether women are becoming "too easy" look increasingly out-of-place in modern societies.

4. Casual Sex Is Useful & Important

Casual sex allows all of us to explore our sexual desires before we commit to one person for the remainder of our lives (if that's your thing). Let's face it: most people consider sex to be an important component in a romantic relationships, and finding out that you have zero sexual chemistry with your new wife when you finally consummate your marriage is a recipe for divorce.

Fortunately, these days you can avoid that embarrassment by gaining a clear idea of your sexual desires well in advance of your wedding night. Casual sex allows you to experiment in the bedroom without the weight of commitment, and for that reason it's a useful activity that shouldn't be discouraged in women.

5. Sex Isn't Inherently Dirty Or Degrading

There's nothing inherently degrading about having sex with someone you aren't in a committed relationship with or soon after meeting someone new. As we've discussed, it doesn't hurt bystanders or cause widespread social disarray, so why would we shame the individuals involved? (Or, ahem, just the female ones?)

The idea that casual sex is degrading is a social construct, and social constructs only gain life when we repeat them over and over. We don't think other normal, natural activities like eating or breathing are degrading, so why the specific hang up around sex? Collectively we could stop viewing sex as something that debases us and instead come to see it as something that's healthy, normal and fun when consenting adults take part, and doing so would cause us all to be way less stressed and uptight about a normal part of life.

6. The Question Contains A Double Standard

It's interesting to note that the question isn't "Have people become too easy?" but rather "Have women become too easy?" Why isn't anyone asking whether men have become too easy? Casual sex is now more readily available for people of any gender than it was in the past, with fewer risks, so why is it that we're only worried about women doing "too much" of it?

The answer is simple, if a little depressing: sexist double standards. We tend to punish women for displaying the same sexual attitudes that are encouraged in men, and although we like for women to look sexually available and hot at all times, we shame those of them who actually follow through with it by having casual sex. This is pretty self-evidently unfair, and that's as good a reason as any to pause before asking if women have become too easy.

7. Slut-Shaming Hurts Women

If you're not convinced that sexual double standards are bad enough, consider that shaming women for having casual sex causes real, tangible harm to thousands of women every day.

Slut-shaming is a serious form of bullying, and one that's disproportionately targeted at women. Netflix's documentary Audrie & Daisy details the tragic impact of slut-shaming — which can result in isolation, low self-esteem, self-harm and suicide — with heartbreaking clarity, and is a worthwhile watch for anyone who's still not convinced that slut-shaming is "a thing" (a very, very terrible thing).

No one should be shamed for doing something with their own bodies that causes no harm to others, and labelling women with epithets like "easy" or "slutty" plays into this idea that it's okay to torment someone because of their sexual choices. It's not, and that's another reason we're side-eyeing the idea that women are "too easy".

8. Sex Isn't The End Of The Chase

Sometimes the question "Have women become too easy?" is a way of reframing a sense of exasperation that there's no thrill of the chase anymore. If women will have sex whenever they feel like it, what happens to all the wooing and courting and flirting? Isn't that half the fun?

Worry not. For a start, it's not like women don't require wooing and courting to have sex anymore — it's just that these days the whole process can take part over the course of a single evening rather than spanning months or years, and who is seriously arguing that that's less fun?

Moreover, the idea that sex itself is the ultimate end game is a little boring and limiting. There's still plenty more to "chase" left once you've convinced a woman to go to bed with you: for a start, you can get to know her better, or you pursue better, more fulfilling sex for both of you (let's face it, the first night of sex often isn't the greatest). There's no reason that casual sex has to spell the end of courtship, so there's no need to fear women being "easy".

RELATED: Arranging Casual Encounters Online - Here’s How To Do It Right

Whatever way you cut it, the idea that women have become too easy is wrong-headed. If you're looking at it from a female point of view, the question is harmful and creates a double standard that punishes women for engaging in activities men can do freely, and that sucks. Similarly, if you look at it from a male perspective, shaming women out of wanting to have casual sex with you is counter-productive and treats sex as inherently shameful and degrading, and that sucks, too!

The idea that women are too easy is lose-lose regardless of what gender you are, so the next time you hear someone asking if women have become too easy these days, feel free to school them on the dodgy assumptions underlying that question.


By donkor o angel maxwell November 5, 2016

Contrary to popular belief,   breakups are not easy   on either party. So often the person doing the dumping gets the bad reputation in the situation because they’re the ones who metaphorically “pulled the trigger.” However, having said that everyone needs to be aware that oftentimes being the one to end a relationship is actually harder. There are so many unresolved feelings that go into ending a romantic relationship, and no amount of long-winded conversations between the two people involved can ever really fix that.

When men break up with women, they’re usually instantly branded an “asshole” or “dick” even if they truly believed they were doing the right thing. If you’re considering ending your romantic relationship, it is important that you treat the breakup with the same level of respect you treated the way you got into the relationship. Below are six ways to treat your breakup like the classy gentleman we all know you can be.
 

Do It In Person

I don’t care what the climate of the breakup is, whether there was a nasty fight that prefaced it or even if it was an amicable decision: you must end the relationship in person. The woman you’ve been seeing deserves the same amount of respect during the end of the relationship that you gave her at the start. This means there is absolutely no reason for you to call her and do it over the phone, nor does it mean you can text, have a friend do it, or even send a carrier pigeon with a handwritten note. If you do it in person she will accept that you were brave enough to value her feelings in a way that gives her closure. Otherwise you’re telling her I don’t care about   how you feel about this breakup   and I never have.
 

Be Sure of Your Decision

If you’re going to end things romantically with someone, be 100% sure you’re making the right choice. Oftentimes we tend to act on impulse even if we’re unsure about how we feel about the breakup. Make sure you’ve considered everything when it comes to ending the relationship because if you come back two weeks later and say you’ve made a mistake you’re sending the message that this person is your emotional plaything, and that you care more about your selfish feelings than you do about her as a person.
 

Choose Your Words Carefully

If you’re going to end a relationship make sure you do it with the utmost respect and care. No matter what she may or may not have done to you to cause the breakup, it is never an excuse to call her horrible names, raise your voice, or break things. In order to be a gentleman in the breakup do not add insult to injury. End things in the most level way you can so that both of you can take the breakup with grace and dignity.

Give Her Three Months To Process

This means absolutely no contact. I don’t care if you need to   unfollow her on all social media platforms   and delete her number from your phone. By breaking up with her you are surrendering your rights to know what is going on in her day-to-day life. Even though this may seem cruel and unusual, but in the long run you’re showing her respect by giving her enough time to heal her wounds. Even if you end things friendly, you can’t be friends right away and you need to respect her space enough to not constantly be pouring salt on the wound.

Respect Her Support System

This also means no contact with her friends and family, no matter how much they also cared about you. By being involved with her support system you’re still appearing in her life during a time that is for healing. This means absolutely no   going on dates with her friends   or trying to swoop in on someone she hung out with for a new relationship. That part of your life with her is completely closed off for now and even though it may be isolating, you need to respect the fact that she needs to be with people who build her up right now and not try to inject yourself back into her life through outlier connections.

Understand You No Longer Have The Right To Be Jealous

Perhaps one of the biggest rules to   ending a relationship   with grace like the gentleman you are is understanding that you no longer have the right to be jealous of anything she does or who she spends her time with. Even though this may be difficult, it is important to remember that YOU were the one who initiated the breakup and therefore you have forfeited all rights to be angry about who she spends her time with. This is crucial because it means no angry texts after seeing her out with a new guy on Instagram, and this certainly means no angry words being exchanged if she moves on quickly while you expected her to be a crumbling mess.


By donkor o angel maxwell November 5, 2016

This article was originally published by Monica Eno UK.

Ahhhh… the age old question of “who should pay on the first date?” It’s a minefield for the   modern dating man. Try and do the gentlemanly thing, and you could end up looking a sexist dinosaur; split the bill, and the only thing you could end up kissing goodbye is the chance of a second date. Indeed, you need to tread carefully.

To get to the bottom of this thorny issue once and for all, we asked 10 women for their opinion on the matter – from a feminist commentator and sociologist to model and porn star.

Wallets at the ready, chaps. Or not.

1. The Dating Coach

Her take: Modern men should do things old school.

“This might sound a little archaic – and men on a shoe string budget won’t be too pleased to hear this – but a man should   always   pay for dinner and drinks on   the first date. You might think that spitting the bill or letting her pay is the behaviour of a modern man, but those ‘modern men’ usually just get friend-zoned, or thought of as cheap. If she insists, pretend to accept, and then somehow (use your creativity) pay the bill when she’s unaware. This is an attractive gesture, and it will leave the girl’s sense of ‘doing the right thing’ intact.”

Kezia Noble, dating coach and expert, author of The Noble Art of Seducing Women –   Kezia-noble.com

2. The Journalist

Her take: You ask ‘em out, you pay out.

“Whomever asks the other out on the date should pay fully. A woman, if accepting that scenario, should go well prepped to pay all bar bills thereafter or, like I did, arrive with a bottle of something lovely in a gift bag, thanking him for a wonderful eve in advance. Eleven years on and we’re still fighting to pay for each other.”

Emma Barnett, BBC broadcaster, journalist, and Sunday Times columnist

3. The Sex Blogger

Her take: Go 50/50 every time.

“If someone wants a second date they have to pay their share on the first – and let me pay my share too. When guys try to pay it's often deeply awkward: I offer to pay half, he insists, I get frustrated because I earn my own damn money and I can spend it how I like – then he continues to insist and I feel patronised. We usually never see each other again. You should always split the bill on a first date. Insisting your date pays implies you don't want to be there, or your time's worth more than theirs. Paying for the other person implies that you think very little of yourself – you have to give them something other than charm for them to like you. If you're worried about money, go somewhere cheap [the pub] or free [a museum]. Leave expensive treats for when you know each other better.”

The Girl on the Net, London-based blogger and writer on all things sex – Girlonthenet.com  

RELATED:   These Are The Biggest Mistakes We're Making About Manhood Today

4. The Stand-Up Comic

Her take: Don’t forget who earns 19.7% more.

“Whoever decided on the place should probably pay...that person knows how much it costs and can budget accordingly. If someone suggests the Eiffel Tower restaurant they should stump up for the airfare and meal and pick somewhere less tacky. Or the man should pay because men make 19.7% more than us. As long as paying doesn't come with any type of 'expectation' then I think chivalry is fine. I would always offer to split the bill or pay the whole thing but I shouldn't because men earn more… Also maybe pay for the condoms as well.”

Tiff Stevenson, comedian, touring the UK with her show Seven until March 2017 –   Tiffstevenson.co.uk

5. The Glamor Girl

Her take: A man’s gotta spend to impress a girl.

“The man should pay, of course. If I had to pay or go halves, that would put me off a man. I would be like, “ What?! ” There are other   things I look out for on a first date   too. The man needs table manners, he shouldn’t talk about themselves too much or walk through the door before you – it’s always ladies first – and picking her up before the date up is a definite. No having dinner at his house either… a woman should be taken out and wined and dined properly. And there’s no limit on what can be spent, though that’s up to the man.”

Danielle Mason, actress, model and TV personality

6. The Academic

Her take: Don’t try to buy a woman.

“The question of payment on a first [heterosexual] date has its roots in notions of chivalry, which itself is rooted in male economic and social power. Chivalry involves rituals of men treating women with an elaborate regard and politeness, which serves to mask the fact that men dominate the public sphere and have social and economic power over women as a class. Payment on a first date also ties in to notions of ownership. So the whole question is based on a very patriarchal set-up, and has substantial implications within sexual politics! I think that while some men may be fairly progressive about the payment question, culturally men clearly still have difficulty with women doing things equally. I would remind men that women are human beings to be respected, not commodities to be purchased.”

Dr Julia Long, Lecturer in Sociology at Anglia Ruskin University, expert in feminist theory and practice

RELATED: How To Land A One-Night Stand And Still Come Out The Nice Guy

7. The Athlete

Her take: It’s up to the guy to make a gesture.

“The girl should always offer but personally I think the man should pay. Many women earn more than their male partners – and I'm the first person to stand up and say I can do anything a man can do – but it just shows that a man is willing to protect and provide for the women if she were to need it. But I don't think the man should pay for every date after that. Either split it or the girl should treat the guy sometimes and show him how much he means to her. If I offered to pay for the first date and he just said “OK” without offering, I'm not sure there would be a second date!”

Sarah Davies, weightlifter and Commonwealth Games competitor – britishweightlifting.org

8. The Showbiz Reporter

Her take: Pay — for the right reasons.

“I don’t think either sex should have to pay. Of course,   somebody   does or the restaurant will be up in arms. But the decision of who is paying to feed both mouths shouldn’t be down to what genitals they have. Equality is what we’re all aiming for, right? That being said, if somebody wants to treat you – lovely! Who doesn’t like being spoiled? But that should be a decision from the heart, not the pants.”

Kelly Jade, showbiz reporter for Fubar Radio and Fresh Meet Channel presenter.

9. The Feminist Pundit

Her take: It shouldn’t matter.

“I can't believe the idea that anyone ‘should’ pay by default, according to some tired idea about   gender roles , is actually still a thing in 2016. I guess it rumbles on because of all those dreadful dating books we've had [e.g.   He's Just Not That Into You ] that encourage an expectation for people to perform according to type. There still seems to be a certain kind of guy out there who doesn't mind a token gesture to pay that he can instantly turn down, but who becomes downright butt-hurt if his date insists – in the 'chivalrous' manner he might adopt himself – on doing something nice for him. Which is not nice at all really!”

Holly Combe – Writer and contributor to contemporary feminism website The F-Word –   TheFWord.org.uk

10. The Porn Star

Her take: Insist on going all the way, fellas.

“I think that the girl should always offer to split the bill and the man should insist on paying all of it. Of course, if the date goes badly then the man can happily agree to split the bill, and also split ways.”

Harriett Sugarcookie, adult performer, model, lifestyle blogger – Harrietsugarcookie.com


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