How To End A Relationship Like A Gentleman
- By donkor o angel maxwell
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- 05 Nov, 2016
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The Trick To Ending A Relationship Like How Max Angel Will Do It
Contrary to popular belief, breakups are not easy on either party. So often the person doing the dumping gets the bad reputation in the situation because they’re the ones who metaphorically “pulled the trigger.” However, having said that everyone needs to be aware that oftentimes being the one to end a relationship is actually harder. There are so many unresolved feelings that go into ending a romantic relationship, and no amount of long-winded conversations between the two people involved can ever really fix that.
When men break up with women, they’re usually instantly branded an “asshole” or “dick” even if they truly believed they were doing the right thing. If you’re considering ending your romantic relationship, it is important that you treat the breakup with the same level of respect you treated the way you got into the relationship. Below are six ways to treat your breakup like the classy gentleman we all know you can be.
Do It In Person
I don’t care what the climate of the breakup is, whether there was a nasty fight that prefaced it or even if it was an amicable decision: you must end the relationship in person. The woman you’ve been seeing deserves the same amount of respect during the end of the relationship that you gave her at the start. This means there is absolutely no reason for you to call her and do it over the phone, nor does it mean you can text, have a friend do it, or even send a carrier pigeon with a handwritten note. If you do it in person she will accept that you were brave enough to value her feelings in a way that gives her closure. Otherwise you’re telling her I don’t care about how you feel about this breakup and I never have.
Be Sure of Your Decision
If you’re going to end things romantically with someone, be 100% sure you’re making the right choice. Oftentimes we tend to act on impulse even if we’re unsure about how we feel about the breakup. Make sure you’ve considered everything when it comes to ending the relationship because if you come back two weeks later and say you’ve made a mistake you’re sending the message that this person is your emotional plaything, and that you care more about your selfish feelings than you do about her as a person.
Choose Your Words Carefully
If you’re going to end a relationship make sure you do it with the utmost respect and care. No matter what she may or may not have done to you to cause the breakup, it is never an excuse to call her horrible names, raise your voice, or break things. In order to be a gentleman in the breakup do not add insult to injury. End things in the most level way you can so that both of you can take the breakup with grace and dignity.
Give Her Three Months To Process
This means absolutely no contact. I don’t care if you need to unfollow her on all social media platforms and delete her number from your phone. By breaking up with her you are surrendering your rights to know what is going on in her day-to-day life. Even though this may seem cruel and unusual, but in the long run you’re showing her respect by giving her enough time to heal her wounds. Even if you end things friendly, you can’t be friends right away and you need to respect her space enough to not constantly be pouring salt on the wound.
Respect Her Support System
This also means no contact with her friends and family, no matter how much they also cared about you. By being involved with her support system you’re still appearing in her life during a time that is for healing. This means absolutely no going on dates with her friends or trying to swoop in on someone she hung out with for a new relationship. That part of your life with her is completely closed off for now and even though it may be isolating, you need to respect the fact that she needs to be with people who build her up right now and not try to inject yourself back into her life through outlier connections.
Understand You No Longer Have The Right To Be Jealous
Perhaps one of the biggest rules to ending a relationship with grace like the gentleman you are is understanding that you no longer have the right to be jealous of anything she does or who she spends her time with. Even though this may be difficult, it is important to remember that YOU were the one who initiated the breakup and therefore you have forfeited all rights to be angry about who she spends her time with. This is crucial because it means no angry texts after seeing her out with a new guy on Instagram, and this certainly means no angry words being exchanged if she moves on quickly while you expected her to be a crumbling mess.
This article was originally published by Monica Eno UK.
Ahhhh… the age old question of “who should pay on the first date?” It’s a minefield for the modern dating man. Try and do the gentlemanly thing, and you could end up looking a sexist dinosaur; split the bill, and the only thing you could end up kissing goodbye is the chance of a second date. Indeed, you need to tread carefully.
To get to the bottom of this thorny issue once and for all, we asked 10 women for their opinion on the matter – from a feminist commentator and sociologist to model and porn star.
Wallets at the ready, chaps. Or not.
1. The Dating Coach
Her take: Modern men should do things old school.
“This might sound a little archaic – and men on a shoe string budget won’t be too pleased to hear this – but a man should always pay for dinner and drinks on the first date. You might think that spitting the bill or letting her pay is the behaviour of a modern man, but those ‘modern men’ usually just get friend-zoned, or thought of as cheap. If she insists, pretend to accept, and then somehow (use your creativity) pay the bill when she’s unaware. This is an attractive gesture, and it will leave the girl’s sense of ‘doing the right thing’ intact.”
Kezia Noble, dating coach and expert, author of The Noble Art of Seducing Women – Kezia-noble.com
2. The Journalist
Her take: You ask ‘em out, you pay out.
“Whomever asks the other out on the date should pay fully. A woman, if accepting that scenario, should go well prepped to pay all bar bills thereafter or, like I did, arrive with a bottle of something lovely in a gift bag, thanking him for a wonderful eve in advance. Eleven years on and we’re still fighting to pay for each other.”
Emma Barnett, BBC broadcaster, journalist, and Sunday Times columnist
3. The Sex Blogger
Her take: Go 50/50 every time.
“If someone wants a second date they have to pay their share on the first – and let me pay my share too. When guys try to pay it's often deeply awkward: I offer to pay half, he insists, I get frustrated because I earn my own damn money and I can spend it how I like – then he continues to insist and I feel patronised. We usually never see each other again. You should always split the bill on a first date. Insisting your date pays implies you don't want to be there, or your time's worth more than theirs. Paying for the other person implies that you think very little of yourself – you have to give them something other than charm for them to like you. If you're worried about money, go somewhere cheap [the pub] or free [a museum]. Leave expensive treats for when you know each other better.”
The Girl on the Net, London-based blogger and writer on all things sex – Girlonthenet.com
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4. The Stand-Up Comic
Her take: Don’t forget who earns 19.7% more.
“Whoever decided on the place should probably pay...that person knows how much it costs and can budget accordingly. If someone suggests the Eiffel Tower restaurant they should stump up for the airfare and meal and pick somewhere less tacky. Or the man should pay because men make 19.7% more than us. As long as paying doesn't come with any type of 'expectation' then I think chivalry is fine. I would always offer to split the bill or pay the whole thing but I shouldn't because men earn more… Also maybe pay for the condoms as well.”
Tiff Stevenson, comedian, touring the UK with her show Seven until March 2017 – Tiffstevenson.co.uk
5. The Glamor Girl
Her take: A man’s gotta spend to impress a girl.
“The man should pay, of course. If I had to pay or go halves, that would put me off a man. I would be like, “ What?! ” There are other things I look out for on a first date too. The man needs table manners, he shouldn’t talk about themselves too much or walk through the door before you – it’s always ladies first – and picking her up before the date up is a definite. No having dinner at his house either… a woman should be taken out and wined and dined properly. And there’s no limit on what can be spent, though that’s up to the man.”
Danielle Mason, actress, model and TV personality
6. The Academic
Her take: Don’t try to buy a woman.
“The question of payment on a first [heterosexual] date has its roots in notions of chivalry, which itself is rooted in male economic and social power. Chivalry involves rituals of men treating women with an elaborate regard and politeness, which serves to mask the fact that men dominate the public sphere and have social and economic power over women as a class. Payment on a first date also ties in to notions of ownership. So the whole question is based on a very patriarchal set-up, and has substantial implications within sexual politics! I think that while some men may be fairly progressive about the payment question, culturally men clearly still have difficulty with women doing things equally. I would remind men that women are human beings to be respected, not commodities to be purchased.”
Dr Julia Long, Lecturer in Sociology at Anglia Ruskin University, expert in feminist theory and practice
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7. The Athlete
Her take: It’s up to the guy to make a gesture.
“The girl should always offer but personally I think the man should pay. Many women earn more than their male partners – and I'm the first person to stand up and say I can do anything a man can do – but it just shows that a man is willing to protect and provide for the women if she were to need it. But I don't think the man should pay for every date after that. Either split it or the girl should treat the guy sometimes and show him how much he means to her. If I offered to pay for the first date and he just said “OK” without offering, I'm not sure there would be a second date!”
Sarah Davies, weightlifter and Commonwealth Games competitor – britishweightlifting.org
8. The Showbiz Reporter
Her take: Pay — for the right reasons.
“I don’t think either sex should have to pay. Of course, somebody does or the restaurant will be up in arms. But the decision of who is paying to feed both mouths shouldn’t be down to what genitals they have. Equality is what we’re all aiming for, right? That being said, if somebody wants to treat you – lovely! Who doesn’t like being spoiled? But that should be a decision from the heart, not the pants.”
Kelly Jade, showbiz reporter for Fubar Radio and Fresh Meet Channel presenter.
9. The Feminist Pundit
Her take: It shouldn’t matter.
“I can't believe the idea that anyone ‘should’ pay by default, according to some tired idea about gender roles , is actually still a thing in 2016. I guess it rumbles on because of all those dreadful dating books we've had [e.g. He's Just Not That Into You ] that encourage an expectation for people to perform according to type. There still seems to be a certain kind of guy out there who doesn't mind a token gesture to pay that he can instantly turn down, but who becomes downright butt-hurt if his date insists – in the 'chivalrous' manner he might adopt himself – on doing something nice for him. Which is not nice at all really!”
Holly Combe – Writer and contributor to contemporary feminism website The F-Word – TheFWord.org.uk
10. The Porn Star
Her take: Insist on going all the way, fellas.
“I think that the girl should always offer to split the bill and the man should insist on paying all of it. Of course, if the date goes badly then the man can happily agree to split the bill, and also split ways.”
Harriett Sugarcookie, adult performer, model, lifestyle blogger – Harrietsugarcookie.com
